I cook clean yell at kids work clean repeat & I AM ALL ABOUT EFFICIENCY
After having my parents take care of butchering my chickens for a few months, it’s time that I should learn to do it myself. No one was around to teach me so I had to wing it. Here’s my step by step fail. Graphic.
I don’t have a butcher’s knife like my dad and if I did, I would be too afraid to use it since I occasionally have possessed hands moments. So I’m using a chef’s knife which was the first sign of failure (which one is a bigger fail – chicken or salmon?).
Nice whole chicken, washed inside and out… ugh. When you leave a whole fresh chicken in your fridge overnight, it kinda stinks as if I’ve left a tray of chicken thighs for a week (which I’ve done, don’t ask).
Geez, where to start? Ok, Off with the Head! Ba-cock! I cut it right at the top of the chicken neck. The neck is my favourite part so I try to save most of the neck.
Head’s off so it should be easy right? Figuring out my next step.
The butt goes next. If some pplthink it’s gross for me to drink crab/prawn brains then I think it’s gross when ppl like to eat the chicken butt. Yes, that flap is the BUTT! So if you get rid of the chicken butt of the butthole, is it just a chicken hole?
Then I clipped the chicken nails. This part is starting to make me feel like a sadist. What’s more sad is that I’m eating the cooked feet as I’m typing this.
I thought I was doing pretty well. Next step was to break off the feet. I couldn’t cut through one foot so I tried to twist it off.
Before I planned the next step, THIS popped out. It hard plasticky, might be the esophagus. But it’s pretty gross and I had to yank that out. I was starting to feel sick.
Trying to cut the thighs out. Seems pretty easy enough once you find the spot between the joints. But I couldn’t find it. After a few unsuccessful attempts as trying to cut it, I gave up after leaving a couple of slice marks on the thigh.
Then the bottom of the neck. Should’ve done that first, doesn’t matter I guess.
Finding easy stuff to do… like cutting out excess skin. This is already a deprived chicken, so not much body fat on it.
Attempt at the wings. Seems easy enough, lift the wing and slide your knife under it and “hope” that it’s in the right location and the wing will come off.
Worked half way… cut “something” but not the right cut. Have to twist off the wing.
WOW! Isn’t this amazing? It looks so “proper”. I got all the good parts out, so what should I do with what’s left? Oh wait, I have to feed Patch too. Guess I’ll do something with the leftover parts.
The white meat. I’m a chicken racist. There, I said it. I don’t like white meat.
Seriously, I don’t know what to do with it other than take a couple more photos of it. It’s mostly bones anyway but I feel wasteful if I just throw it away.
Turned it underside. Well, at least it’s gutted. Maybe I should just leave it and make soup… starting to look like a character from Alien.
I judo chopped it in half!
Ok, I know I’m using the wrong knife here… well, since the beginning, but after attempting to “filet” the chicken I realized I just end the horror show soon. Cut whatever meat I can squeeze together into a piece.
Stripped the meat off the other side and I’m so done.
Well, that’s all there is to butchering a chicken. If you haven’t caught on yet, this is not the proper way to do it. So why make a post about it? Because this is the last time I will ever cut a whole chicken.