May Contain Nuts

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How Not to Butcher a Chicken

After having my parents take care of butchering my chickens for a few months, it’s time that I should learn to do it myself.  No one was around to teach me so I had to wing it.  Here’s my step by step fail.  Graphic.

I don’t have a butcher’s knife like my dad and if I did, I would be too afraid to use it since  I occasionally have possessed hands moments.  So I’m using a chef’s knife which was the first sign of failure (which one is a bigger fail – chicken or salmon?).


Nice whole chicken, washed inside and out… ugh. When you leave a whole fresh chicken in your fridge overnight, it kinda stinks as if I’ve left a tray of chicken thighs for a week (which I’ve done, don’t ask).


Geez, where to start? Ok, Off with the Head! Ba-cock! I cut it right at the top of the chicken neck. The neck is my favourite part so I try to save most of the neck.


Head’s off so it should be easy right? Figuring out my next step.


The butt goes next. If some pplthink it’s gross for me to drink crab/prawn brains then I think it’s gross when ppl like to eat the chicken butt. Yes, that flap is the BUTT! So if you get rid of the chicken butt of the butthole, is it just a chicken hole?


Then I clipped the chicken nails. This part is starting to make me feel like a sadist. What’s more sad is that I’m eating the cooked feet as I’m typing this.


I thought I was doing pretty well. Next step was to break off the feet. I couldn’t cut through one foot so I tried to twist it off.


Before I planned the next step, THIS popped out. It hard plasticky, might be the esophagus. But it’s pretty gross and I had to yank that out. I was starting to feel sick.


Trying to cut the thighs out. Seems pretty easy enough once you find the spot between the joints. But I couldn’t find it.  After a few unsuccessful attempts as trying to cut it, I gave up after leaving a couple of slice marks on the thigh.


Then the bottom of the neck. Should’ve done that first, doesn’t matter I guess.

10After 15 minutes, what I have on the plate.


Finding easy stuff to do… like cutting out excess skin. This is already a deprived chicken, so not much body fat on it.


Attempt at the wings. Seems easy enough, lift the wing and slide your knife under it and “hope” that it’s in the right location and the wing will come off.


Worked half way… cut “something” but not the right cut. Have to twist off the wing.

14This is where it goes downhill if we’re already not at the bottom.  After finding discovering my new “twist off” technique, I did the same to the thigh that I wasn’t able to cut off properly.

15Tried to cut out the other thigh properly. Slid the knife across where I thought the upper thigh would connect. Worked like a charm. I should work in a butcher shop!


WOW! Isn’t this amazing? It looks so “proper”. I got all the good parts out, so what should I do with what’s left? Oh wait, I have to feed Patch too. Guess I’ll do something with the leftover parts.


The white meat. I’m a chicken racist. There, I said it. I don’t like white meat.


Seriously, I don’t know what to do with it other than take a couple more photos of it.    It’s mostly bones anyway but I feel wasteful if I just throw it away.


Turned it underside. Well, at least it’s gutted. Maybe I should just leave it and make soup… starting to look like a character from Alien.


I judo chopped it in half!


Ok, I know I’m using the wrong knife here… well, since the beginning, but after attempting to “filet” the chicken I realized I just end the horror show soon. Cut whatever meat I can squeeze together into a piece.

22A piece of white meat for Patch!  I feed my husband well.


Stripped the meat off the other side and I’m so done.

24All the unwanted pieces except the nails. Those went into the can right away.

Well, that’s all there is to butchering a chicken.  If you haven’t caught on yet, this is not the proper way to do it.  So why make a post about it?  Because this is the last time I will ever cut a whole chicken.

Here’s how not to gut a fresh salmon.


4 comments on “How Not to Butcher a Chicken

  1. Shelli@howsitgoingeh?
    December 4, 2013

    Jeff + I took a chicken butchering class at Save On Meats! It was really informative!

    • drunk ninja
      December 5, 2013

      hey i’ve heard about that too! there’s also sausage making classes right? or maybe sausage butchering classes…. lol

  2. Maria
    December 10, 2013

    The plasticky thing is the windpipe/trachea. And if you want to cut up a chicken MUCH easier you can make a slit in the skin over the joints. You’ll see a fatty looking line over the joints. This marks where the joints and muscles connect. Cut there and it is a breeze

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This entry was posted on December 3, 2013 by in In the Kitchen and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , .
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